“Be natural.” The most dangerous advice a woman can receive. Issue #19

Dress codes & double standards… hear me out 🙄

There’s this thing we keep telling women.

Be natural.

Like it’s a compliment. Like it’s liberation. But peel back the layers, and sometimes it’s just another way of saying “dim it down.” Don’t try too hard. Don’t take up space. Blend in, but do it with grace and a smile.

It sounds empowering, until it’s not.

The other day, I read this wellness post that basically said: “Put something on to look alive. Because apparently, your natural self couldn’t possibly be enough.” And I paused. Not because I disagreed completely, but because I felt the tension. I’ve stood in that same mirror tug-of-war, trying to balance natural with presentable, effortless with intentional.

We say: “Don’t care too much.”

But we also say: “Look polished.”

“Be yourself.”

But also: “Make sure they take you seriously.”

Let’s be honest: that’s a mind game.

And it’s not one men are usually asked to play.

We all get dressed every day. That’s not vanity. That’s real life. Your clothes speak. Before you even open your mouth, your outfit has already whispered something into the room. So no, it’s not just fashion. It’s identity. It’s strategy. And for a lot of us, it’s armour.

The version of “natural” we’re sold is often coded.

Minimal makeup … but make it perfect skin.

Low-effort style ... but styled just enough to say you’re current.

Casual … but not careless.

It’s a script. And sometimes, it feels like if we don’t play along, we get left out of the conversation entirely.

Now, before someone says, “You’re a stylist, of course you care about clothes,” let me say this clearly:

Yes, I care. Deeply. Because I’ve seen what happens when a woman finally sees herself, not just in the mirror, but in the world. When what she’s wearing finally matches the energy she’s been holding back for years. It’s not shallow. It’s freedom.

And that doesn’t mean following trends. In fact, it often means resisting them. Especially the ones that flatten us into a single aesthetic.

When everyone else is dipping into pale lips and hollow cheeks, maybe what you need is a bright lip and a messy bun that says “I’m here to lead, not to copy.”

There’s always this line in the fashion world between those who follow and those who signal something new. It’s not about being different for the sake of it. It’s about alignment. Dressing in a way that matches your ambition, your softness, your boundaries, your chaos, your dreams. All of it.

I read on one comment on my LinkedIn Posts about how in the Dogon culture of Mali, clothing is considered spirit armour. Not a costume. Not a trend. But an extension of the soul. Woven with myth, memory, intention. You’re not fully dressed until your soul feels seen.

And maybe that’s the shift we need:

Less “wear what’s expected.”

More “dress in a way that lets you take up your full space.”

We live in a world that still scans women like airport security. Every detail matters. Every signal is read. So no, I’m not going to tell women to stop caring about how they look. I’m going to tell them to care differently.

Not for approval, but for alignment.

Not for validation, but for presence.

Because some mornings, the boldest thing we wear isn’t the blazer or the boots, it’s the version of ourselves we’ve been becoming quietly, one intentional choice at a time.

Is the so-called “natural” well-being industry becoming just another source of overwhelm and toxicity for women… or is it just me?

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And speaking of creating a moment, let’s talk Skims.

They’re back with another epic campaign 😅 and honestly, it’s genius.

Skims isn’t selling underwear. They’re selling conversations. And they’re doing it in nipple-revealing, body-hugging, make-you-blush campaigns, and somehow making feminism out of it

Would I wear it? Absolutely NOT.

But here’s what I can’t ignore: Skims doesn’t just market to women, they rewrite the rules with women.

Comfort-first, judgment-last. If we’re going to be looked at (and let’s be real, we always are), at least let’s not suffer for it.

They’re not just grabbing attention. They’re creating a moment.

And that’s the difference between selling shape wear… and shaping the narrative.

What do you think … empowering? Eye-roll inducing? Both?

With Love,

Carolina X

PS.

Now you tell me

Does how you dress still shape how you’re treated?

Or are we finally done pretending it shouldn’t matter?

💬 Hit reply. Share your story. Let’s make this a moment.