WHEN SELF-CARE FEELS LIKE WORK - Issue #11💌
Have I lost it, or is this what finding yourself actually looks like?
It's 15:19pm, and here I am, writing to you from the trenches of one of those days. The ones where you wake up with a knot of emotions pressing against your chest, your productivity lost somewhere under the covers. It’s half-term, my kids are home (half term mode), and I’ve already warned them: "Mum's moody, stay clear." Not my finest parenting moment, but, awareness is progress, right?
My newsletter should’ve been out by now. But instead of hitting 'send,' I hit pause, on everything. I chose me. And I chose you. I had my usual Personal Styling tips ready to go, but something inside me said, Not today. Today felt more real, more important, to share something raw and honest.
Why? Honestly, I don’t fully know. But if these words reach another woman who’s feeling low and make her feel not so bad, then that is a big enough WHY for me. Because, as you’ll see as you read on, connection is everything. And right now, I want to connect with women who, like me, are trapped in the chaos of female perfectionism, that silent, exhausting pressure we all feel but rarely voice.
Because aren’t we supposed to have self-care all figured out by now? Isn't it meant to be helping us, fixing us, making us glow from the inside out? So, can I really say I’m drowning… in the very thing that’s supposed to keep me afloat?
Or maybe, just maybe, I’m finally breaking through the noise to find my real self beyond the self-care hamster wheel.
I stepped into a long, hot shower. Hydrated my hair, followed my full skincare routine, even slapped on one of those black pore strips for good measure. Then, chamomile in hand (because it hugs my stomach in a way nothing else can), I sat down, still damp from the shower, and started to type. The camomile cup? Mowgli-themed. Joy comes in all forms, and this goofy little mug beats any Instagram-worthy aesthetic.
As I breathed through the waves of anxiety—in, out, stay present, stay soft—the fog began to lift. And that’s when the thought hit me: When did self-care start feeling like another job?
Isn't it exhausting that society turned self-care into a productivity contest? Another thing on our endless to-do list. Meditate, journal, drink lemon water at sunrise, read 10 pages of a self-help book, all before 7 a.m. or you’re failing at life. And if you can’t keep up? Hello, guilt trip. Well, to that, I say: FUCK IT. And fuck it big time.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my morning routine, when it’s for me. The yoga flows at 7 a.m., my glowy Korean skincare steps, that first oat cappuccino with my book and lo-fi beats. But it should never feel like a job description. I won’t swap my coffee for matcha because the wellness gods decided it’s cooler. I won’t turn my morning rituals into checkboxes to earn my 'good human' badge. And I will wear my FEEL-GOOD OUTFIT FORMULA on any given Monday because joy deserves no occasion.
So, how do we make self-care actually care for us? Here’s what helps me:
Take a long shower: Nothing fancy. Just the steam, the water, and us.
Breathe, for real: Feel it. Our breath is our anchor.
Wear something that feels like us: No dress code required.
Drink our joy: Coffee, camomile, whatever feels like a hug.
Write it out: No filter, no structure. Just let it flow.
How to shift the narrative:
1. Redefine What Self-Care Means to You
Society has glamorised the image of self-care, spa days, yoga, juice cleanses. But maybe for you, self-care is reading fiction, sleeping in, or sitting with a cup of coffee in silence. Tune into what feels good rather than what looks good on Instagram.
Ask yourself: What do I crave most? Your body and mind will tell you. Maybe it’s rest, creativity, or connection. Once you know, lean into it unapologetically, don’t listen to your critic inner voice.
2. Style as Self-Care: Reframe Your Daily Rituals
Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated. Something as simple as wearing an outfit you love can elevate your mood. Getting dressed is a ritual we all have to do, why not make it one that nourishes you?
Easy Wins: When you’re feeling low-energy, reach for clothes that feel good on your skin. Soft, breathable fabrics in your favourite colours can be a simple way to uplift yourself without effort. Colours are part of our energy system.
Signature Details: A small accessory, like a favourite necklace or a swipe of lipstick, can be your secret weapon on those not-so-good days. Sometimes a simple change can change everything.
3. Permission to Skip the Rules
Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean you have to. If a 12-step skincare routine is draining you, simplify it. If journaling feels forced, skip it. Choose the one or two things that truly fill your cup and give yourself permission to let go of the rest.
One of my clients shared that she used to force herself to meditate every morning, but it made her anxious. She replaced it with a slow walk around her garden with a cup of tea, and it changed everything.
4. Effortless Wardrobe, Effortless Mind
When your wardrobe is cluttered or doesn’t align with how you want to feel, it can add to the mental load. Curate a small feel-good outfit formula: a few staple pieces that always make you feel your best. On days when self-care feels hard, this wardrobe can take the mental work out of getting dressed.
Think of it as your style safety net: a handful of go-to pieces that make you feel polished, comfortable, and you, no overthinking required.
Why Outfit Formulas Help on 'Not-so-Good' Days
Outfit formulas reduce decision fatigue. They’re quick, reliable, and personal, like a style uniform, but with room for creativity. Plus, what you wear affects how you feel. Colours, textures, and fit can instantly shift your energy (hello, dopamine dressing!).
My Outfit Formulas for Low-Energy, High-Comfort Days
Comfy Layers + Earthy Tones (For Cozy, Grounded Vibes)
Formula: Loose jeans + a soft olive or terracotta t-shirt + a tan trench coat
Why It Works: Earth tones connect us to nature, calming, grounding, and perfect for days when we feel off.
Finished with: My favourite sneakers and a tote bag.
Colour and Mood: It’s a Thing!
Yellow: Instant sunshine for your mood (even if you’re feeling cloudy)
Green: Restores calm and balance (like a nature walk for your wardrobe)
Pink: Comforting and nurturing (hello, soft self-love)
Blue: Calming and refreshing (perfect for anxious days)
Why This Matters (And What My Job Has Taught Me):
As a personal stylist, I’ve seen how much of a difference this makes. Women tell me all the time: "I never realized how much my wardrobe was adding to my stress." When we create outfit formulas together, they experience first-hand how personal style can be a well-being tool, because on tough days, feeling good in what you wear is one less thing weighing you down.
So, if today is feeling a little meh, try to build your own ‘feel-good’ formulas (use your favourite pieces). Not because it’ll fix everything, but because it might make getting through the day a little lighter.
5. Ask for Support
Self-care doesn’t have to be done alone. Whether it’s asking for help with childcare or sharing your feelings with a close friend, connection is one of the most powerful (and often overlooked) forms of self-care.
And don’t underestimate the power of hiring help where it matters, even something like working with a stylist (hello!) can take the mental strain out of endless decision-making.
If you’d like more personalised guidance on how to bring ease and joy to your wardrobe, you know where to find me.
A Gentle Reminder to Myself
It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to not want to do anything. Sometimes the best self-care is doing absolutely nothing at all. Be gentle with yourself. Your worth isn’t measured by how productive you are.
Choose Products That Work, Not Trend: A few natural gems I swear by:
Because if you’re going to invest in yourself, let it be in things that do the job, not just sell the dream.
Dr. Paw Paw Shea Butter: Bye-bye, eye eczema. This little tube has saved my skin. Since December I had an eye eczema, in less than four days was gone for good.
Charcoal Elamei Nose Strips (80 pcs, £9.99): As good as those popular brands.
Dr. Hauschka Lip Care Stick: Glossy, healthy lips, minus the chemicals.
NeedCrystals Microdermabrasion Crystals: Weekly deep-cleaning magic. Feels like a luxury facial, at home.
Waken Natural Peppermint Tooth Floss: Fresh, clean, and satisfying. I'm obsessed.
These are my trusted self-care sidekicks, each one has truly earned its spot. If you’ve faced any of the struggles I mentioned, I highly recommend giving them a try!
Also, I need help: Do you have a ride-or-die natural deodorant that actually works? I’ve been on the hunt for months, but so far... no luck in beating the odour. :(
In Conclusion (Or, Maybe NOT)
Honestly, I don’t have the answers today. Self-care feels like another thing on the to-do list, and I’m wondering if I’ve missed the memo on how to do it right. So, no lectures here, just a moment of realness from someone who’s feeling a little lost and hoping you might get where I’m coming from.
I didn’t write this to inspire you; I wrote it because I needed you. Because I know some of you have been here too, in that messy, confusing space between “I should be fine” and “Why do I feel like this?”
So, what do you think? Have we all been sold an impossible version of self-care? Is it really about bubble baths and journaling, or is it about connecting, being honest, and maybe... not having it all figured out?
If this hits home, reply and tell me how you handle days like these. I'd truly love to hear from you. I’ll be reading every word.
And if today feels hard, like it does for me, here’s a hug. You’re not alone. We’re in this together.
That’s all for today. 💛
Carolina X
P.S. Free next Wednesday, February 26th? Join me for an evening filled with style, nibbles, and like-minded socialising in the heart of Marylebone (London). I'm facilitating a workshop on 'Accessorizing with Purpose' from 6 pm to 8 pm. Secure your spot here, see you there!