Why the pressure to show up ‘well dressed’ is breaking women’s spirits
I’m usually a glass-half-full person.
I try to look for the good. I try to frame things in a generous way. I don’t love complaining, and I don’t love staying stuck in what’s wrong.
But lately, I’ve been noticing something that feels heavier than it should.
This constant pressure to show up “well dressed.”
Not dressed nicely, or intentionally.
But well dressed in that loaded, unspoken way that somehow feels like a test.
The idea for this came from a conversation with a friend of mine, Kasia, who’s also part of my styling community. She told me about going to a filming event in Poland. She didn’t feel particularly inspired that day, so she dressed simply. Comfortably. Like herself.
And when she arrived, everyone else was very dressed up.
She didn’t say anyone was rude.
No one commented, nothing really happened.
But she felt it anyway.
That quiet sinking feeling of:
Oh. I didn’t get this right.
And what struck me most is that her question wasn’t “What should I have worn?”
The reflection was: Why do I feel bad about this at all?
Who is expecting us to dress a certain way?
Because if we’re honest, most of the time, the room isn’t actually watching us as closely as we think. No one handed out a memo. No one agreed on a standard. And yet, so many of us walk into spaces already bracing ourselves, already measuring whether we’ve shown up “correctly.”
I told her something that I truly believe, even though it might sound blunt,
We are not important enough for the level of pressure we put on ourselves.
I don’t mean that in a diminishing way. I mean it in a freeing one.
Most people are in their own heads.
In their own outfits.
In their own insecurities.
And yet, as women, we carry this invisible expectation to look a certain way at all times. Polished, but not trying too hard. On trend, but not obvious. Effortless, but clearly intentional. It’s exhausting.
Part of it, I think, comes from how fast fashion and trends move now. Seasons blur into each other. Micro-trends come and go before we’ve even figured out whether we like them.
Social media turns outfits into performances, and suddenly “well dressed” doesn’t mean “this feels good on me” but “this looks right in a photo.”
When you don’t have a strong sense of your own style, you end up outsourcing the narrative. You let trends decide. Influencers decide. The industry decides. And that’s when getting dressed stops being expressive and starts being stressful.
You’re no longer asking, How do I want to feel today?
You’re asking, Will this pass? Will this be approved?
And that’s such a quiet betrayal of yourself.
Because personal style is exactly that. Personal.
We are cyclical. Hormonal. Emotional. Our energy shifts. Some days we want softness, some days structure, some days invisibility, some days drama. Expecting ourselves to show up the same way all the time, or to perform a certain version of “well dressed,” ignores how alive we actually are.
This is why so much of my work starts with understanding you first, not trends.
Your lifestyle.
Your wardrobe as it already exists.
The pieces you own for a reason, even if you’ve forgotten what that reason was.
When we don’t know ourselves, trends become loud. When we do, trends become optional.
That’s also why I’ve been documenting my outfits lately and calling it wearing 100% of my wardrobe.
Not to prove a point, but to remind myself, and hopefully other women, that style doesn’t require constant buying or constant reinvention. There are always ways to make what you already have feel interesting, current, and yours.
And maybe that’s the shift we need. :)
From dressing to be seen as “well dressed,”
to dressing in a way that actually feels like being on your own side.
So I’ll leave you with this question, because it’s one I keep coming back to myself:
Do you dress more for yourself, or for the imagined audience in your head, and how does that make you feel? 🤍